i think my tv is drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
