my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize