this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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