I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
