Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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