i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
