no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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