it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
