I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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