So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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