I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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