didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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