Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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