I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
