@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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