i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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