Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
