Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
