i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize