I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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