those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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