They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
