I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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