Say something about gay babies.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize