The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
