the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
