i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
