youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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