if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
