Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
