What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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