we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
