I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
