it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize