Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
