The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
