Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
