I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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