i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize