I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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