I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just gargled with NyQuil
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
