My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
