my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to cum in my sink.
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