if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize