There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
