I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
even my farts smell like vagina
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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