just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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