I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
