Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize