I didn't shave. On purpose
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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