You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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