Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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