Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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