Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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