if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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