so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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