i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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