if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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