when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
