Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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