did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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