I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
