I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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