watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
