theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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