He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
