Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
