his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
