I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
