Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
