Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God, I missed his penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
