But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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