Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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