So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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