well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
