I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
