and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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