it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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