I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
