Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
