I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
