Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
