Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
