woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
