every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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