guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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