oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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