Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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