I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
