You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
