11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
