I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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