just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
