I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
