I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
