Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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