This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
