we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
