I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
