My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
