Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
