8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
