Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
